Every October, we talk about “awareness.” But are people who need help actually aware of where they can access it?
I wasn’t
As someone who have been through 28 ½ years in abusive relationships, I know some of the things that extended it and believe I know now what may have ended it sooner.
Whether you’re a friend, professional, or family member wanting to see your loved one free and happy, here’s what I believe you need to know.
Prevention
- Teach people to set boundaries BEFORE entering relationships
- Educate society on what healthy versus unhealthy relationships look like
- Push more education on behaviors and traits of controlling personalities (often linked to narcissistic abuse).
- If you come from an abusive relationship or household, be cautious of that “spark” of attraction — it’s not chemistry; it’s recognition and a warning signal.
Offering Services
- Avoid the word “abused” in marketing materials – speak to symptoms so they recognize themselves. This is one of the most important things.
- Explain the ways you can help – I still don’t know what you actually offer.
- Make it easy & non-intimidating for them to reach out to you. Look at your systems from their point of view
- Guarantee confidentiality – If you break their confidence, and it gets back to their partner, they may end up with broken bones, broken spirit or dead.
How to Actually Help
- Don’t judge – many victims are sensitive to energy and will feel judgement even if you don’t express it
- Don’t push – it may take some time before we feel safe enough to act
- Offer education – refer to the prevention section above
- Use compassion and proceed with caution – think of trying to approach a wild prey animal. They are skittish and will bolt at the first sense of danger. These are people that are already hunted at home (or work) If they do not have to return to a place that feels unsafe, they won’t.
Friend and Family Advice
For those watching someone you love live through this – your patience is the greatest gift you can offer.
I am fortunate that although my friends wished I would leave, they never told me. It would have just been added pressure for me that I would have wanted to avoid. I would have tried to hide things more to avoid it.
They never shamed me or pushed me.
They were available to chat. They let me talk about whatever. They didn’t abandon me.
When I was ready to leave one was there with her vehicle to help us move out.
A sincere heartfelt thank you to all those who have been there for me through thick and thin.
- Written by Heather C Abbott, October, 2025
Permission granted to quote and/or publish in full only with attribution given to Heather C Abbott
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